10 Tips on How To Let Go Of A Relationship Peacefully

I believe each and everyone of us has had our fair share of experiences when it comes to love. Be it whether you're in a good relationship, or a bad one. Most of the time in many relationships, we'll always be consistently expecting for the other person to love you. But one thing my bff and I have realized is that in the whole process, we find out that the person who should be loving us isn't doing so, nope, I'm not talking about your b/gf... Can you make a guess who it is?


Yes. You

You didn't love yourself, and that is why you yearn for another person to love you.

I am guilty for being like this though... Thus after breaking up recently, I've been spending a lot of time reflecting and learning more about myself. At the same time, improving myself so that I can be a better person for my future potential other half :)

Then again, breaking up and moving on is easier said than done. Long after you let go of the said person, feelings about the relationship will tend to hold you back. For me, I was afraid of being vulnerable again. I put up shields cause now... i'm really afraid of being hurt. But mostly afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that. 

If you've been holding onto an old relationship, I'm here to suggest to you that it's time to let go.

Don't worry though, you won't be going through it alone :) I'm here to give you some tips and advices, 

1. Practice releasing regrets

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. But the thing is, you need to realize that by doing that, You CAN'T CHANGE anything.
All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.
It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.

2. Work on forgiving yourself

You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn't do it you wouldn't be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!
Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost

If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or my youth as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time.
If you've been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you've missed out, shift the focus to everything you've gained. Maybe you've built great friendships or made great progress in your career.
When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.

4. Remember the bad as well as the good

Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence, that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.
As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren't.  In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.
What I did for my recent breakup was to forgive all the bad, and try to remember only the good. It was a way of closing things for me, and it kinda worked for my favor. I revisited places that we've been to in the past, closed my eyes, and let only the happy memories and happy times flow in. At the beginning, you may feel a little bit of bitterness, but as time passes by, you'll realize that all the times you've spent with the other person is REALLY WORTH IT and all you have left are just happy memories and not bitter-sweet ones :) 

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship

Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied, and happy, at least on the whole.
Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.
The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?

I am blessed to know that this person is my BFF. OF course there are more people out there and i'm really grateful for those who've been there for me throughout this whole time. Thank you <3

6. Create separation

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.
Creating a separation has helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, expect and want love and happiness, whatever that may look like.
You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is. I've to admit though, this is not going to be easy. I'm still trying to forgive myself and open myself up. It's gonna take time, but I know it'll be worth it in the end !

7. Let yourself feel

Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.
First, you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next, you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn't be in this pain.
Then, you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn't be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you've lost.
Eventually, you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.
You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it, or write about it in a journal. 

One method I've tried and it kinda worked is to set your mobile or computer password to something that can better you. Initially, throughout the end of my r/s, my phone's password was changed to " forgiveher ", I typed it everyday without fail and it's kinda works like a brainwashing mechanism, in the sense that i'm indirectly telling/directing myself to forgive that person for what they've done, what has happened etc etc. Eventually, I changed my password to " behappy " , and I'm kinda happier now? ... It kinda feels like you're been repeating a sutra based on your life and you'll feel relieved eventually ...? I'VE NO IDEA HOW TO PUT THIS IN WORDS LOL. 

Okay moving on to point 8.

8. Remember the benefits of moving on

When you let go, you give yourself peace.
Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threatens it.
Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.
When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.
If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn't be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort. Hope this metaphor made sense? LOL.
You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts

When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless.
Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

This is going to be really hard and it'll take time. But well, time heals everything so we'll just go with the flow..

10. Embrace impermanence
Always remember this - Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.
The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.
When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.

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Hope you guys enjoyed this post. Love you all! If you've any questions or need any advice or someone to talk to. Feel free to email me and i'll try my best to reply :) 

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