A Second Chance

Believe it or not, I'm actually at the beach at this hour. It's 6.31 and I've been here for quite some time. 

There's something really special about the sound the waves make when it crashes itself against the shores of the beach. Somehow it has the ability to make me feel at peace...

I love the beach. I even have a place here which I call my " favorite spot ". Cause it's a place where there's little people here, a sand-free ledge and awesome view of the sea.


Obviously, this favorite spot of mine is a place where I visit often whenever I'm feeling down. 

Time for a little reflection...

One thing I've realized about me throughout the past few months is the fact that I'm letting my past affect me way too much. 

I've been through a lot since young. Be it being physically abused when I was 4 years old, working at the age of 8, being cheated, going through poverty and more. 

The one thing that has affected me the most is my ability to give myself another chance to forgive people.

I would always tell myself, forgive people but never forget. This phrase is always true. But then again, as time passes by, I realize that though I forgive people, the one person that I didn't forgive it myself.

I was my own worst enemy. I let my past take charge of me. I let my past, be the thing that decides what I do in every step of my life. It has also played a really big part of my relationships. 

I wasn't willing to let my walls be down and I wasn't willing to give myself another chance to trust people. Cause who knows, the person I trust may leave me one day, or even worst, break it and leave me alone with the pieces. 

Now I assure you, This has happened way too often for me and I slowly began to have trust issues. And truth to be told, I can't even trust myself. 

I am my own worst enemy. 

As I reflect at this very moment, I start to realize how all these (my past) has been restricting me from achieving bigger things in life. 

The ability to trust, to ability to learn and most importantly, the ability to love - not only the person I love or my family, but also myself. 

Today, I said a lot of really ridiculous stuff and hurt someone who's really precious to me... Badly. The main reason of it all? I wasn't able to trust, I wasn't able to love myself, I wasn't able to give people (in general) another chance.

But as I think about what I've said ... I find myself being barricaded by the very thing that's preventing me from true happiness. The ability to accept things as it is. 

Thus from henceforth, At this very moment, I would like to say -

" TYLER. I AM GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE TRUE HAPPINESS. LEARN TO TRUST AND LOVE NOT ONLY YOURSELF, BUT THOSE WHO ARE PRECIOUS TO YOU. FORGIVE PEOPLE AND LEARN TO ACCEPT THINGS AS IT IS . WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND DONT LET THAT OBSTRUCT YOU FROM THE GOOD IN LIFE... " 

That said, even if someone breaks my trust again... There's always spongebob to say something cute.

I'm starting over. 

I'm giving myself and everyone else another chance. I will learn to slowly trust again and love myself as time passes by. 

I hope that people around me would be happier too. So... Yeah

-

AHH FREAK THERES A GOD DAMN MILLIPEDE ON MY LEG RIGHT NOW. BRB 

I'm not sure what I should say now. Wow... The sun is actually rising already... Perhaps it's time for me to head back home and get some sleep >.<

-Walking back to the car as I'm typing this with a bunch of freaking ants biting me. I need to remind myself to be fully dressed the next time I'm here. Maybe I'll bring along some insect repellent... - 

Goodnight all of you :) I know this post was rather irrelevant but I just wanted to voice out my thoughts..


For you: I'm really sorry for the things   I've said earlier ): forgive me elch

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